Okay so now I need to tell work I need time off. I have to tell my superiors that I have cancer. I do, surprisingly don’t break down and I can do this. I’m going to be okay. This is all happening during lent, Jesus dies, and my grandfather has just passed. I find out I am going to Teacher’s College of Columbia University. Great! What was the point if I was probably going to die. The more I researched about thyroid cancer, the faster I fell into depression. The more scared and anxious I became. I made myself sick, and insane. I envied everyone who did not have to go through this pain. I wanted it to be over. April 10, 2009. My friend comes to visit from California. We are supposed to go out to have a nice time. My boyfriend is the DJ to the party, it is going to be fun. Until I have a breakdown. I did not want to go out that night, but I did because I desperately wanted to feel normal. “You don’t know what it’s like knowing you have this monster inside of you ready to eat you alive without mercy!” I yelled this and for once I accepted that I was not okay, I was very afraid of the uncertainty. Days later I cried in my mother’s arms like a baby. Visited Dr. Retsagi at least 15 times in the span of 3 weeks, felt like little critters were inside my body consuming all of me.