The Caterpillar/ Doctor Visits and More Tests
I am 23 years old at this point. Had never been to the doctor more than once every other year if even that many and now I had to visit three different doctors in a span of three weeks. First visit after surgery was to the endocrinologist for my levothyroxine dosage, the pill that functions as my new thyroid gland. Next visit was to my surgeon Dr. Lim for the removal of the stitches. The final visit was to my PCP, Dr. Retsagi to test calcium levels and see my physical state after surgery. All check ups were fine, but I still got great anxiety from the not knowing. It was time to get help for my emotional recovery, one of my closest friends having worked for Cancer Care as an intern, suggested I contact someone over there. I was happy to know that my social worker was someone close to my age. I felt like I was talking to a friend and she helped me deal with my fears and anxieties. But it was sad knowing that she would only have a few sessions with me since she was an intern and would be leaving the job at the end of July. I attended a visit with the endocrinologist, we had previously discussed he would begin the process required for the total body scan on this visit. He acted as though he did not remember my case. I immediately contacted Dr. Retsagi and told him I needed a new endocrinologist. In June, two months after my surgery when I was supposed to have known the results of my scan, I had to start the process over and get a new endocrinologist. Best thing that ever happened to me! Dr. Barandes, my new endocrinologist, assured me that I was in good hands, I had a 99% cure rate and that this was all just a really bad episode that would soon be over. He explained what the next steps would be. First, we needed to make me hypothyroid (low thyroid hormone level) for the scan since I could not have any thyroid hormones present in my body. Next, a week prior to the scan I needed to get on the low iodine diet. Finally, I would come in for the radioactive iodine pill, and 48 hours later I would come in for the scan. The scan determines whether there is any more cancer present in my body and if it has spread to any vital organs which in thyroid cancer tends to be in the bones, lungs, and on rare occasion, the liver.
I am exhausted! Waking up is a challenge each and every day. I need more sleep but I have to work and keep moving. I have responsibilities to my family to my friends to my boyfriend to my job, an endless list. Now I also have to get myself ready for grad school. But I am so TIRED. The mood swings come more frequently. I gain some weight. My immune system seems down since I get all kinds of infections. I want it to stop! I have to help my sister with my nephew’s first birthday party, but I am so tired! I feel awful and frustrated because I want to be there but I cannot. I get into arguments with my boyfriend for meaningless things. I want all of his attention but I cannot get it because he has his own life to live. He tries and fails, nobody and nothing can make me happy. I am miserable. I am ready to plead insanity, until I read a book that explains it all “The Thyroid Solution” by Ridha Arem. It was my bible and explained all of the chemical imbalances caused by hypothyroidism. I recommend the book for any person with thyroid disease. I spoke to my new social worker, JL. She tells me I should understand that this is just a funky place I am in due to my hormonal imbalance, but I have to have faith that things will get better. I heard it but I did not listen.
After a spot opens to work summer school at my job, I think I could use the extra cash so I take it. I need a break from the city so I go to Miami with my boyfriend’s sister (my lil’ sis) and her friend. We are blessed with gorgeous weather. I pray my rosary every day after a wonderful friend, who I hope will be the priest that hosts my marital ceremony someday, teaches me how. I believe that everyone has the right to change, and I went back into Catholicism because it felt like I came back to a peaceful and welcoming home with a mother and a father that loved me regardless of where I had been. I come back to the city ready to work, but summer school is slow, not much to do which is good for me since I am still hypo. I get on the low iodine diet, not really in the mood to make creative meals so I stay away from dairy (so hard!), sodas (easy), seafood (easy), any thing with salt (which I later realized I did not need to do), among a few of the many things I discovered had iodine. It was no fun, but only lasted a week. Finally on Monday July 20, 2009, same day I had to go to a godparent course required for my nephew/godson’s baptism, I go in for the radioactive pill. I needed to be away from people for five hours due to the radioactivity, especially pregnant women and babies. Dr. Barandes tells me I have to urinate as much as possible so that the radioactivity does not remain in my bladder. July 22, 2009 I go in for the scan. I am emotional because I felt that this day determined the end or just another part of the excruciating cycle. I lay on the machine as the examiner takes pictures he says, “So far so good, this is going by quick, that is a good sign”. I close my eyes and feel Jesus and Mary with me. I am not alone. The scan was supposed to take an hour or so, it took fifteen minutes. After the examiner is done, Dr. Barandes comes in and takes a look at the images. He sits with me and explains them to me “This scan tells us if there is any thyroid tissue left in your body in which the cancerous cells could go to. If there was any thyroid tissue left the radioactivity would seem present. But as you see here it only went to the digestive system and places it should have gone such as the remaining thyroid tissue Dr. Lim needed to leave for your parathyroid glands. You are free, as I told you, you would be. Now go on and live your normal life.”
I try my best not to cry. I am so happy I want to walk out and scream to the world “look at me, I am cancer free, I am going to live, I am going to change the world someday, my time here is not done!” Dr. Barandes said to go out and have the best meal I could think of since I had been on the terrible diet. I missed dairy so much the first thing I did was eat a parfait from Hot and Crusty, YUMMY! I send text messages to all my family and friends and cry on each single one message sent. I am so happy but I needed to thank Jesus and Mary who never left my side. I remembered the church right by my job, St. Ignatius of Loyola, and look at the sign that says mass at 8:30AM. It was 9AM but I was hoping it was not over yet. When I enter the priest is handing out the Eucharist and I was the last to take it. I pray and cry, I am sure people must of thought I was a lunatic, especially since I was not from the parish, but I didn’t care. Thank you, thank you, thank you Lord, I am CANCER FREE! I walked to work feeling like every breath was a new one, a gift from above. There was one coworker I had to tell the news to. I had only told her and two of my other closest colleagues about my situation, because cancer is something that is hard to speak about without feeling inhumane. We embraced and tears welled in both of our eyes. I was so happy I could dance. But cancer free did not mean the end of the rollercoaster. Receiving a total thyroidectomy made me susceptible to the thyroid disease, and I became hypothyroid once again. I felt extremely depressed and couldn’t wait until my monthly endocrine visit for a new dosage. School and work would be starting again soon and the summer was almost over.
